Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
