So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
