It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
