respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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