If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just pee around me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
