he wants to bone in the snuggie
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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