I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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