For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
