the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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