why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
