Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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