my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
