she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
