She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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