The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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