i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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