i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
two words: eviction party
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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