the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
