I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
