you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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