Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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