i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
