Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
