Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Panties = found
Randomize
