found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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