Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
