My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
