I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
