Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
