Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
