my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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