Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
