Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
