its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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