i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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