the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
