So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
