Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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