The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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