coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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