if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
