i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
