she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
