Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
