Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize