That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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