I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
