My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
