You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
