Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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