Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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