i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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