My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
