Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
two words...techno handjob
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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