my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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